Monday, July 27, 2009

Conflicted



My 28th birthday is around the corner, that used to seem so old. Not anymore. I don't feel much different than 24 when I first started teaching. What does feel different is the direction my career is headed. Ask young Brent what he wanted to do with his career and before you could finish he would have said "Be a head coach, teach, have a family". Ask the hair turning gray older version of that little pipsqueek and you'll get a "......can you repeat the question?"

I'm not sure where that sure fire answer went or where that focus for my career started to change. Here now I am not coaching at all, taking classes to become an administrator, and filming weddings. Don't get me wrong, I think all of those are great things and I don't regret anything. However, this is where I am conflicted. Am I doing what I really want to do?

For the life of me I can't answer that question. Each year I was driven by the fact that I was going to put my head down and coach, learn as much as I could and make a run at the head coaching gig when that season started. But I don't have that this year. Instead my head is down and trying to learn as much as I can to become an administrator. Hell, I don't even know if I want to be a principal, but I know I want that option in my career. I am getting what I asked for, I wanted a chance to look at my career without blinders on and decide if what I am doing is still my goal. Is this a Jerry Maguire "mission statement" moment in my life, no, it's a guy that is trying to decide if swallowing his childhood dream of being a head coach is the right decision, or if trading in the whistle for a larger paycheck and no lesson plans is the right decision?

Conflicted.

Only thing left to do is pray and see if he can straighten this out, cuz I can't.

2 comments:

Steve Shaw said...

Sounds like you are trying to find your Personal Legend. You are thinking too small, worrying about the details of a job description. Think outside the "job" box. What do you really want to accomplish in your life? When you sit back in 22 years, what is the landscape you want to view? Do you really think that if you are a Principal vs. a Head Coach, that the landscape will look any different. I don't think so. But the real question at that time will be, are you satisfied with what you have accomplished, with what good you have done in life, with the joy you have brought to others, with the lessons you have taught your children. Your happiness along the way will dictate many of those answers and those answers will dictate how happy you are with the landscape you see when you arrive at age 50 and sit back and take a look at the landscape of your life.

Good luck. Start thinking bigger and find your Personal Legend.

Martin said...

Well said Uncle Steve.....I like what you said and I also believe that people don't remember days they remember moments. So you have to see that big picture that creates the most moments for you. And some day and it doesn't have to be right around the corner!!! but you will get a whole different picture when a little one arrives the join the Wise family.