Sunday, December 19, 2010

New Camera

So I joined the ranks of the SLR groupies. I've always had a point and shoot digital camera, but with things to take a picture of that require a little bit better output, we broke down and bought a Cannon T2i for christmas. This weekend I finally broke it out for a trial run. I know nothing about it yet, I look forward to some down time to figure it out. However, I will share with you a couple of my favorites from this weekend.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

messy christmas

Remember that Bing Crosby holiday favorite...."we wish you a messy christmas"..... no? Maybe you're blinded by all the candy canes and fuzzy santa hats. The past two weeks at church we've been going through a series based on just that, a messy christmas. Let's be honest, Christmas isn't what it was when you were 8 years old and you cracked open the first NES, and tecmo bowl quickly became your identity (rightfully so). Christmas anymore isn't about the snow, happy jingle bells, lights, or even the perfect tree. As a kid, Christmas was the magic that I'm sure it still is for most kids, gift unwrapping, stockings full of sour candy, and your parents loving the joy you are getting. Flash forward 10 years, Christmas used to be a time when my brother and I would share a tradition of watching "A Christmas Story", wrap our gifts, all on christmas eve. We would share stupid laughter and for a couple hours we captured what christmas was for us as kids, pure joy. Somewhere between now and then Christmas got messy. I'm pretty sure it's something called responsibility....with that comes stress and expectations. Have you ever seen the episode of Seinfeld and George is having his "Worlds Collide"...? Marriage is colliding worlds.

You're trying to juggle the simple fact that two worlds should just blend together. The traditions should melt into perfect harmony and everyone will be so happy...because it's Christmas.'s a killer everytime........ It's messy everytime. Instead of being like two boxing elves this holiday season I encourage you to find the positive in everything....I struggle with this sometimes, shoot I just complained tonight to my wife. Instead of throwing your hands up in disgust because you'll miss out on the tradition that is so vital to you....instead look to form a new one. As our pastor Mike said......"do you really think Mary and Joseph weren't dealing with a little messy situation". Here's a couple that is being asked to showcase a pregnancy, that oh by the way just "magically" happened, and get this, is the "son of God". You think missing a stupid movie they run on TBS for 24 hours is a dillema? How 'bout explaining that to everyone:
"Hi I'm Joseph, wife Mary, this is our Son, he can make you see, make you walk, pretty much do whatever he wants to do, but I still need to change his diaper in an hour".

God chose those two and he chose to make it messy. He chooses us all for different things, maybe not giving birth to the "Great I am", but to accomplish things he sees just as important. So this holiday season, when things look like they are starting to get messy and all mucked for the positive and see if God is pressing you a might just end up liking the direction he's taking you, messy or not. Happy holidays and remember

Monday, November 15, 2010

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Diapers, listen up.

The following is not a joke. I actually am being serious.

Listen up anyone that happens to work for a company that might market, produce, design, or do anything with diapers. (i.e. my sister n law Leah). This blog is for you, so grab a cup of coffee, pen and pad, and open start designing that corner office you've always wanted because the idea I'm going to give you to present to your boss will surely end with you being promoted to vice president of the company.

I just finished changing my daughter's diaper, an event that I've become numb too, so much that I haven't had this thought until nearly 5 months in. On the front of these diapers there are printed images such as Mickey and Minnie, Winnie the Pooh, and Tiger too. Why? Honestly why? Don't give me the scripted answer "because kids love them". They are pooping on them. Kids don't see these images EVER. When they are old enough for pull ups and can recognize them, then disregard this blog, but for the other 20 month and younger demographic it serves zero purpose. So why not put something useful on there? Dare I say something interesting be printed for those that will see it. Let me tell you what I think would be perfect for the diaper printing bonanza that will be sweeping the nation soon. Target some audiences, follow me.

Oprah brand: Tell me Oprah isn't the voice of most mothers. Tell me Oprah doesn't love herself more than anything. She has the O mag, why not the O poopers. As much as mom's love hearing what Oprah has to say, why not have the diapers give you great Oprah Show moments like, 1988 Oprah walks into the studio starting her new season in skinny jeans toting a wagon full of 67 lbs. of fat.

Dad's that like sports: Diapers that have facts from various sport almanacs. I would love to be changing a poopy diaper but find out that the yankees have 26 world titles, more than any other sport team.

Mom's that like pop culture: Let's say you're one of those mom's that loves to read US Weekly. Why shouldn't that pee filled diaper tell you one of the 21 facts about Sex and the City. 1) Sarah Jessica Parker was once in a production of the Sound of Music.

History buffs like myself: Why shouldn't that poop dumpster tell me that Georgia was the only colony to not send a representative to the first Continental Congress, because they feared an attack from the Native Americans and wanted Britain's help.

want me to stop? do you catch my drift? I'll keep going.

Quotable: What about you people that absolutely love quotes? Changing diapers can be extremely frustrating, sometimes gross. Why shouldn't that moment be saved with a quote from Jess Jackson "Your children need your presence more than your presents".

Laughable: How about diapers that give you something laugh about, like, Politicians are like diapers, they need changed often, and for the same reason.

I could honestly give you topics forever. it's silly this hasn't been done before. You might say "whats the point?" The point is that it gives you something that maybe once every 5 diapers makes you stop and say "huh, no kidding" Right now I could change 354 diapers and never stop and say huh, unless it's because my kid just pooped on me. I would buy diapers that had fun facts every time.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Hot and Cold

I am currently reading a book called Foreign to Familiar, based on the fact that I was asked to before I embark on the mission trip I am a part of this Nov. The basic point of the book is that our world is divided into Hot and Cold Culture climates, and those cultures are defined by how they relate to other people, situations, and themselves.

In a hot culture, the people there are embracing and welcoming. They want you to do the pop in. They want to know how you feel and worry about it when they are in your presence. In a hot culture if you ask someone for a ride to the grocery store, mind you their car is full and they have no available room, they will tell you "Ah, right now I'm full, but I think we can find a way, let me get back to you". They are more concerned with friendliness than information. The result they are concerned with is that you walk away saying "that dude was friendly". If you are together in a group, their main concern is that you are comfortable and happy. Even if that means sacrificing their own happiness. They are conditioned to not let you down, if you ask them a question they know the answer is going to be "no"....they tell you "yes", simply because they do not want to let you down.

In contrast, the Cold culture person is all about information. Friendliness is a waste of time. These are the work minded people that are efficient and want work done. If you ask a cold culture person for a ride to the grocery store and their car is full, they will simply say "my car is full, it won't work". They aren't being rude, they are being efficient. They don't think about your feelings first, they think about the end point. When it comes to telling you no, they tell you no because they have the vantage point of, "this is what you want to know". Why waste your time with fluff, if the answer is no, say no.

The great thing that I've learned from this book is that both cultures need one another. They work together like the Yin and the Yang. America is a melting pot of Hot and Cold cultures I believe. Don't look farther than my marriage. I've discussed this book with my wife, and we both agree that I end up being more like the Hot Culture, and she is more like the Cold culture. It's not that one is better than the other, it's just what it is. I look at it as the perfect harmony. If the whole world were Hot culture or Cold culture it wouldn't flow the way it should.

When I travel to El Salvador I will be coming into contact with a Hot culture. They will look at us with respect and with the idea of wanting to please us at all times. Knowing this, I need to not disrespect their effort. If they provide food, I need to enjoy it even if I feel like I'm eating dog poop. I look forward to reporting more to you about this mission trip and what God has in store for us in E.S.

Monday, October 18, 2010


I'm disgusted by politics. I even more disgusted when politicians run for election. Every ad tells you nothing. It's all slander and negative bash ads. No one ever accomplishes anything because the system is too broken. A good guy can't get through the process and get elected. If he does, he is 1 of 100. I'm currently teaching the unit on American Independence, when politicians (although crooked at their time also) declared a pretty bold statement and did what was best for the people. Granted, they were corrupt also, but at least they had the balls to do something. Today we are stuck with men and women that fight eachother in circles, solving nothing. It's a slap in the face of those men that signed the declaration.

Brewster says it best in this movie. Show me a candidate that campaigns on the morale high ground, and I'll vote for him/her.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

National Sweatervest Day

The other day at work I had an idea. What if I could get a large group of guys to all wear sweatervests on the same day. Why, you are probably asking yourself? Answer: For Kicks.

So the fake National Sweatervest Day came on October 6th, and to my immense satisfaction, 15 guys sported the Jim Tress Vest. I work in a building where three years ago cliques were the thing and "us" didn't include many people. Now I work in a building where "us" is the majority and although a vest may be stupid and small, it was a large sign of unity.

United we stand in the vest. Since it was a huge success, we decided to wear the vest for our middle school game too, with the power of the vest we pulled out a lopsided victory.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Friday as you know it.

It's 8:31 p.m. on a friday night. I'm on my couch watching a meaningless college football game, and I love it. Lets talk about this friday night. Friday night used to be "the" night, the night everything happened, but before that it was an even simpler time. Friday night has evolved. When I was a wee little lad I'm sure I saw Friday night as any other night, I still ran around screaming playing with pots and pans before it was time to crash. Once I got old enough to remember things Friday night became a family night. We would get snacks and watch TGIF television. Cosby show, Steve Urkle, and other classics filled our night. Once middle school hit and it wasn't really cool to hang out at home we would spend the night every friday somewhere. My best friend Newman and I spent every single friday night at one of our houses. Friday became the slumber night. Early high school meant Friday night became a night with your buddies and maybe a few girls. This was the bowling night, food at taco bell, nights at the park. Friday became co-ed night. Post drivers license Friday night became date night. Spend the time with the girl if you had one, then meet up with your buddies and spend the rest of the night doing stupid stuff. College meant Friday night was another night to go out and drink. Post college, early career meant that Friday was a night to celebrate, cut loose, and forget the stress from the workplace. Marriage changes Friday night to a night of "what are we going to do?" Friday night all of sudden has expectations of, we need to do something. This turns into ordering food and watching a movie if you stay awake. Then there are the Friday nights with kids. Friday nights with a kid means you don't look for something to do, you look for ways to get food in before it's bed time for the kid so you can go to bed because the bags under your eyes say it's now 8:41 and it's sleep time. On that note, good night Friday.

Monday, September 20, 2010

3 Months

I write a separate blog on McKinley, but I wanted mesh both worlds for this one because I appreciate so much the job my wife does as a mother.

Sept. 12th, marks the three month celebration of that little bundle of cuteness. Since our last entry a great deal has happened in her little world. Much like Will Ferrel in “Elf”, smiling is her favorite. She loves to brighten your day with a flash of her deathly cute smile. I’ve found that it doesn’t matter what is going on in my work world, if she smiles at me it makes everything better. We have found that the car seat is still not her favorite, but it is manageable. Mom crawls into the back a lot to soothe a wailing McKinley.

Mom and Dad had to go back to work recently, leaving Mck home for the first time. Grandma B and W both came down to stay and babysit, even Aunt Lana made the rotation. It turns out this is very easy in comparison with taking her to the babysitter. Laurie Cox has begun watching her at LuLu’s daycare. A tremendous lady that we think the world of. Dad has drop off duty, Mom has pick up duty. It seems like Dad got the short end of the stick because of the heart wrenching act of letting your child go. The first morning I fought off any emotion by avoiding saying goodbye, meanwhile, Mom is crying at school when I arrive......she didn’t even take her! The second day I braved it and said goodbye, McKinley opened her eyes to smile at me and hold my fingers, this about did me in. I almost quit teaching to stay at home.

The baby bjorn has become her favorite mode for travel, mom really enjoys evening walks with her strapped on.

It won’t be long till she is crawling and talking I feel like, she coo’s all the time and is a mover and shaker. The bouncy ball is still a favorite but she actually loves being held face out so she can see everything.

I will say this, McKinley if someday you are reading this I want you to remember one thing. Your Mom gives everything to you. She gives her time, her thoughts, her worries, her love, her tired nights, her days off, and on and on..... If you ever fell the need to get in a fight with your mom, don’t, because you owe her, BIGTIME. There will be a time when you argue with eachother over something so mundane, and I will have to break the tension, but remember this. Every night your mom takes you upstairs, feeds you, gives you a bath, lotions you up, reads a book to you, feeds you again, and puts you to sleep. You never go down without a fight and she is right back up there putting you to sleep. During the night you tend to wake up once, twice, or three times. Your mother, who loves sleep, gets up and feeds you without concern, puts you back to sleep. I come in to put you to sleep when you won’t do it for mom, but it typically ends with your mother coming back in and putting the finishing touches on you. As frustrated as I get, she always takes care of you with such love and tenderness, and trust me your mom has zero patience.

Each morning you are fed then she proceeds to get ready for school, then eat, but you always come first. You have no idea how hard it is for your mom to give up her sleep in the morning and the extra half hour she takes staring at the closet of clothes. Although, I have a distinct feeling you will be just that way too. You see McKinley, you have a dad that loves you very much, I brag about you, I show you off, I hold you and kiss you, but what I do doesn’t compare to what your mother does. So the next time you want to scream “you don’t love me” because your mom took your cell phone away, remember the thousands of times you were read to, diaper changed, rocked and bounced at night just so you were kept happy and loved. We are pretty lucky huh Mck?

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Perspective Police

If I became President for a day I would create a special task force called the "Perspective Police". This group of well rounded individuals would have one task, smack some sense into anyone that loses perspective. Let me give you an example. I coach middle school football, 12 year olds to be exact. I lost some perspective on what I actually do for a small time the other day. We lost a game, I was upset, the whole ride home I just wanted to talk to people and complain about this player, this play, this ref, this blah blah.....I lost perspective. The kids I coach forgot about the loss the minute they got back and checked their text inbox. I teach the game of football to these kids, how to do it right, so when winning and losing actually matters they are winners. The Perspective Police should have pulled me over, drag me out of the car and hit me with a garbage bag full of mayo.

Example number two. I teach with great people. Last year our boss shuffled us up and asked us to teach some new things. A couple people couldn't that change and since then have been a center of negativity and whining because they aren't teaching what they want. The perspective police should have shown up at our building, call them down to the office and hit chalky erasers over their heads until we couldn't recognize them. There are hundreds of teachers being laid off a year that would kill to teach anything....get some perspective.

example number 3. I am starting to teach my students by using their cell phones in class. Sounds crazy, but it's not, the crazy thing is that we don't do it already. I asked parents for their permission/consent. I had a dad email me a 4 paragraph message basically telling me that I am forcing him to buy his kid a cell phone and I am hurting this generations ability to communicate. For the first time in my seven year career I feel like I've found the key to unlock their complete interest. I'm speaking their language and they are crazy about the idea of learning like this. The perspective police should have knocked on this dad's door and thrown Zack Morris size cell phones at him. His son is a part of a class that is 100% looking towards class over the weekend, get some perspective.

The perspective police would get most of their work from parents of young athletes. So many parents have unrealistic expectations and beliefs about their son/daughter's ability. Anytime a parent acts just absurd, the P. Police would show up with gatorade coolers full of grape jelly they would dump on them. Get some perspective and let your kid be a kid.

The athlete that holds a press conference at the age of 18 to choose between three hats as a method of announcing his collegiate choice would be top offenders on the P.Police list. As soon as the hat was placed on the head the P.P. would shoot a watermelon at them from a potato gun. Get some perspective, just go play.

The perspective police would have knocked on all of our doors at some point. We all have lost perspective at least once in our life of what is important. Too often we consume our time and thoughts with the junk that isn't. Ask someone to be your Perspective Police to keep you in check. Have an agreement that they get to call you out when you lose perspective and you can't argue with them or feel hurt, because they are saving your conscious some late night worrying.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Letter to Summer

Dear Summer,

I'm not really sure what to say, I mean... we had a good thing. For three months we courted eachother, spending nights together under the moon, you shooting wishin' on 'em. It was love at first sight wasn't it? The first time I woke up after 9:00 and stumbled downstairs in my cutoff shirt and mesh shorts, the sound of kids and copy machines were a distant memory, no responsibilities whatsoever. Our future became a mutual understanding of corona's and crickets....grilled foods and outdoor fires. We played rounds of golf and took boat rides...things even got pretty hot there in July and August. Oh the endless hours of the west wing we shared over a morning coffee and breakfast sandwich was such a great start to each day. Our afternoons played like an episode of the wonder years...winnie cooper had nothing on you.

However, there were always the signs that too much of a good thing, was in fact, too much. You toyed with leaving, every once and awhile a class or meeting relating to work, but you always came back. Each day that passed things became more awkward...we stopped spending so much time together, you didn't capture my excitement anymore, and I didn't enjoy your assets as much. I have to be honest, I started thinking of another. No, no, no, it's not what you think.....there was only you. It's I can't help it. Soon another will come back into my life and I simply don't have room for both of's not's me. So, Summer, I guess what I'm trying to say is that....we should see other people. Maybe our time will come again, but for now I only have time for school....we'll always have summer, Summer.

B. Wise

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My Job

Ever wonder what I teach? Check out this trailer I created that I am going to show my kids on the first day to peak their interest.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Your best, might be Tigers worst

Six years ago I was hired in late June to teach at Delaware Hayes High School. I was thrilled. I landed a teaching job and salary of about $33,000. In teaching terms, fresh out of college without a masters, this is considered a good starting salary. Some of you might have just thrown up in your mouth.....yes I know thirty five sounds low, but sadly it's not. This is considered high, you might say I landed the best job of the ones I interviewed for. I remember being pumped when my first paycheck came in the mail and I went to Best Buy and bought, what I'm sure was something AWESOME.

This past weekend Tiger played arguably his worst round(s) of golf in his thunderous career. He put up numbers that my buddies and I put up at the local courses. As my friend Jord might say "He's a coward".

As bad as his round was, he finished second to last and earned one of those giant checks for a bank total of $35,875.

Anyone see anything wrong with that? He made more money than I did doing his absolute worst. His worst was better than my best.

I don't feel sorry for myself at all, that's not the point of this blog. There really isn't a point, I was just dumbfounded when I heard how much a shotty performance can earn him and I wanted to share that with you.

the end.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Naive....overly optimistic....or arrogant?

I can't decide which of the three I am when it comes to situations that come my way. When something is presented in my life I typically take the stance that things will turn out in a good way. When I say situations that come my way....I really mean things that I have no control over.

Let's take a golf outing. I play in many golf outings and always think "we're going to win". Even if we start to play poorly, I think the rest of the field is playing poorly, so we will still win. Is it me being overly optimistic? arrogant? or naive?

Let's take buying a raffle ticket. Whether it's a 50/50 , a true raffle, or any type of drawing, I honestly think I'm going to win. I recently entered a raffle, I bought one ticket and thought it was just ridiculous I didn't win. I bought one ticket, one ticket. The odds were monumentally against me. Is it me being overly optimistic? arrogant? or naive?

Let's take horse betting. The first time I placed a horse bet, I won $75. The second time I won $2. It was a good month until I won again. I thought for sure, that when I pick a horse it's a lock that my trotter will cross the line first. I am honestly shocked when I don't win. Why? I don't have a clue what I am doing, yet I think I should win. Is it me being overly optimistic? arrogant? or naive?

Let's take the lottery. I've played the lottery twice in my whole life. I buy one ticket. I have spent two dollars on the lottery. I stayed up both times and watched the numbers come. I was shocked I didn't win. It's so stupid, but honest. Is it me being overly optimistic? arrogant? or naive?

I wonder why I am not this way in real situations in life? Why don't I go into situations that I have control over and think I am going to win? Don't get me wrong, I have a suitable level of confidence, in fact, I'm pretty sure I was an arrogant S.O.B. in high school. So much that I've consciously tried to erase that part of me. The problem is there is a chance of failure, and that failure would be my fault. With all the others, I can blame the millions of other people that bought lottery tickets. If I am an awful 8th grade teacher, I have to blame myself. If I look back at living in the neighborhood or city we choose and it's the wrong choice, I blame myself. So I over analyze every situation to the point that it becomes numbing to those that I confide in. One day I talk to my wife with the attitude that i have everything figured out. The next day I switch my mind. It must be mind numbing for her.

The reason for this rambling collection of thoughts about myself is that I have it all wrong. I just read my buddy Otis's blog, and he posted the quote below, and now I realize that I focus way to much on what I think about the way things should be. So maybe it's being naive, optimistic, and arrogant all in one. Instead of worrying about self failure, I should focus on how I can impact others in a positive way. If everyone did that imagine the world we live in.

"The best legacy you could leave is not some building that is named after you or a piece of jewelry, but rather a world that has been impacted and touched by your presence, your joy, and your positive actions."
-Jon Gordon-

Sunday, July 25, 2010


A tradition is 1 a : an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior.
I love traditions. I used to think I loved individual things that kept on repeating and I would get all excited when they were coming up. Then I realized that I simply loved the fact that I had these things to look forward to, traditions. I've come up with a set of rules that I categorize traditions with, because the last thing I want is someone saying they have a tradition when it's not.
  • A tradition to me is something that is done in an even amount of time spaced out, with a minimum of a year in between. This means the un-named tradition has to be annually or every two years, etc..
  • A tradition has to be something that can happen each time.....don't be a tradition poser and say that you have a tradition such as watching the buckeyes win a national championship. That is out of your control, therefore it can't be a tradition.
  • A tradition can't be forced. It has to happen naturally. You can't be in the planning stage and someone says...."You know what richard...we should make this a tradition.." No, no, no. A tradition is something that you retrospectively look back on and can use as an excuse to your spouse by saying "Sweetie, I have's a TRADITION".
  • It has to be positive. A tradition can't be a negative thing. You can't have a tradition where you get together with buddies and re-enact the time your buddy got the nickname iron nuts.
  • It can't be a national tradition. You can't say "We are eating turkey on thanksgiving".
I have a few traditions that I want to share with you. If you have a tradition I would love for you to share it with me on the comment section. I want to bask in your tradition rich lifestyle.

Findlay Four Golf Outing- this is a group of 4 guys that went to college together and get together at least once a year to play in a golf outing. We used to play poker on a regular basis, but we have been spread out. This tradition started in Tiffin when we played in the hall of fame outing and has been moved around over the years. We missed one year, which put my tradition in jeopardy, however, due to a tradition clause....a one year absence is ok, only for a birth or a death. A birth happened last year.

We had many traditions in high school. Every thursday night before our games on friday we met on the 50 yard line at 10:00 p.m. We talked about the game tomorrow and what it would be like to meet here in the playoffs. This tradition came from my brothers previous tradition of meeting his friends at the press box.

I had a friend that would mark a cross on the back of my helmet before each game. We painted our helmets so the paint was still fresh. This came from me being a scared to death sophomore getting ready to play my first game. He asked what I was scared of...I said getting my head ripped off. So he put a cross on my head. It stuck for the next 31 games.

I have an immense respect for traditions. I am always looking for more. I have many others, but I want to see if the readers of this can pick up on any that include them. Until then, build a tradition. Find something you enjoy and do it with people you enjoy...make it stick, don't force it, just see if it happens.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Scam

My parents gave me this blue imac for my birthday one year. It was the cutting edge computer, and I was very fortunate to have it to take to college. Look at it. It was a blueberry ball of internet surfing joy. I completed many a term papers on this machine. I stayed in touch with high school friends, burned CD's, and avoided school work. But....this isn't what makes this little machine the tool for the biggest scam I've ever seen.

My college roommate was obsessed with working out and protein. He loved protein like snoop loves the weed. He was always ordering protein shakes, protein bars, and other supplementals. He poured a ton of money into it. He didn't have a computer, so he had to do his ordering on my blueberry beast. One afternoon he was doing his usual ordering when he got the "wheel" of death on a mac. This meant the page wouldn't load, so he hit back and tried it again. The wheel again. So, he hit back, did it again. Finally, the inter-web let him thru and to his amazement, his shopping cart had 4 sets of protein shakes for the cost of 1.

A few days later the shakes arrived and his bill was for only one. This started his mind to spin. He isn't the most school driven guy (or at all) but he loves a good scam. Turns out this little imac that could was a scam machine. As long as he hit the back button during the spinning wheel anytime he clicked "add" it was free. I know what you're thinking, no way. It's true. I watched him. He would start small with just a couple extra....then he really got sucked into the fever and was ordering by the bulk. Our house soon became a GNC, and he ran it that way. He would sell the "goods" at dirt cheap, make a killing, and order more. We were all dumbfounded, even him. We were blown away everytime it worked. We kept waiting for it to stop working, but it never did.

I can't remember how it stopped, or why it stopped, but eventually he stopped doing it. Upon graduation, he offered me money for the blue machine.....I hope somewhere he built a temple to it with all the empty protein shake bottles.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Top 5

So Lins and I just celebrated year two of being married, so I thought I would countdown the top 5 things that happened to us this year that affected our marriage in a positive way.

5) We took a trip to Florida over our spring break. It was a last minute decision that we labeled as our "babymoon". I will say this for Florida. I won't ever stay on the beach we went to again. I have a new theory. I won't stay on a beach anymore unless it's in a rented house that is either on the beach, or a block away. I don't do the condo's very well. I hate the elevators, the screaming half dressed kids, and the yucky sand/water mix that builds up at the doorways.

4) Lins got a job teaching in the same district. Not even the same district, the same building. Not even the same building, but the same grade level and kids. Many a car rides in the morning consisted of lins wanting to talk, me wanting to ride in silence. We grew.

3) We took a trip to the Windy City with the Martins to visit the Tomaszewski's. I wish I could divulge all the conversations that were had, but I simply can't. It was a good trip highlighted by Max's antics, Martin's attempt to sneak into Wrigley Field and quickly getting tossed, the amazing pretzel sandwich I had, the boat tour we took that included a DEEP dish pizza and a case of beer. We came back from that trip appreciating each other even more than we already did.

2) We also took a trip to NYC at Christmas time. This has been a trip we have been talking about since we met. We both wanted to see New York at Christmas time so we said "screw it lets do it". So we did. We booked our flight and hotel, staying right in the heart of it all. We go to sleep ready to leave in the a.m. and of course one of the biggest snow storms of the decade hits the New York area. All flights cancelled. I spend the next 4 hours on hold listening to some fantastic music until carol comes on and helps us get to NYC. We lost a day, but it was so worth it. We took a carriage ride through a snow slammed central park, went to see the Christmas spectacular, (which was spectacular), walked all over the great city, had dinner with newly engaged friends, and had the christmas I always wanted on speed.

1) Then of course there is the Mck, the Kin, the MDizzle. I can't say how much she has changed our life and relationship. What used to be a life about your needs, your partner needs, and the daily goals you set for yourself quickly become what are her needs, goals, etc....... Your needs and goals are put on hold for the next 25 years. And you accept it with open arms. I could write for hours, if you want more about her go here and check her out. McKinley Marie Wise.

In conclusion, I believe I have the best wife, the most understanding wife, and best mother. I hate the fact that I stayed at Findlay and didn't transfer to play football, but it brought me Lindsey. I would go through the hell of Findlay football again if I knew it brought me her in the end. The five things that happened to us this year made us grow as a couple and we are stronger, I love her more than I did the year before, and I didn't think that was possible.

Friday, July 9, 2010

The Ego King

I kept trying to write a blog about Lebron. I couldn't do it. So I made a short video. Listen to the words of the song, they are perfect.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Sense of Humor.

God has a great sense of humor. He doesn't tell knock knock jokes or my all time favorites, the "snoop dogg jokes". What he does do is use ironical humor. Last night as I bounced my daughter on the exercise ball trying to get her to sleep I found his ironical humor to be very clear. You see there are many times that God has to rock or bounce us to get us out of a jam. A baby cries to us when they need us, just like we cry to the Lord when we need him. Sometimes we cry far too much or at the wrong times or for the wrong reasons. God just continues to bounce us. He could easily throw us across the room, ignore us, or drop a 100 lb bag of jello pudding pops on our heads....but he doesn't. He continues to bounce us, rock us, soothe us.

As I'm bouncing my daughter and she won't stop crying, I could throw her, ignore her, and yes even throw some jello pudding pops at her....but I don't. I continue to bounce her, rock her, and soothe her.

God is cracking up at me as I bounce like a car piston. It's almost like babies are God's way of saying "SEE......STUPID". He cracks up as Mckin' cries and cries because it's payback for all those times I laid in bed and cried up to my heavenly father. No matter the frustration I have for McKinley I'm always there. I might take a step away to clear my head to avoid any pudding pop target practice, but I always come back. God may step away from us, but it's not what we think. It's not that he isn't there, it's that he's challenging us, testing us, and allowing us to grow. We let a baby cry so they teach themselves to put themselves to sleep. God let's us cry to grow also and to teach ourselves how to handle adversity. No matter how lost we feel or alone we feel at times, God has a monitor on all of us and is quietly watching, seeing if we can grow on our own. If it ever gets out of control, he will swoop in and scoop us up before too much harm is done.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

RFL- 4th of July

RFL. Rocky Fork Lake. Every 4th of July we head here to meet up with our family for a weekend of boating, eating, drinking, yard game playing, and of course celebrating America.

The crazy thing is that for a couple of days we pack near 17-19 people, 5 dogs, and now one baby into our cabin. These 17-19 people see each other mainly 2 times a year (aside from the family wedding etc..). We are cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc... and we love being around each other. We can't get enough. I used to think that the mystique around the lake and the 4th of july was all the "things" we did. It's not. It's the people. It's picking up conversations we put on hold for 6 months. It's sharing what has happened and genuinely caring. The funny thing is we are so close, but physically so far. Our family is spread out by states, hours, and/or cities but are closer than most cousins I know.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it doesn't matter if you live in the same city, state, or time zone. If you care about each other you are going to be close. I have friends that live minutes from their cousins, and they don't say two words to each other when they are together. It blows my mind. Maybe we're unique and it's the magic of the lake, but I like to think it's because we're a family that cares about each others lives. So happy 4th to all of you, and if you're with your family, take the time to care about what is going on in their life.

Sunday, June 27, 2010


One year in college my roommate asked me if I was interested in going to Toledo and watching a high school basketball tournament game. Typically I would turn this offer down, however, this game featured an up an coming star, Lebron James. At this point we knew very little of this kid. When we arrived at the University of Toledo apparently thousands of others had a similar interest in young 23. It was crazy packed, wall to wall people. We grabbed our seats and watched what I will now refer to as, "the most entertaining pre-game ever". On one side of the court you had an entire team full of white boys doing two line layups, slapping the floor for defensive slides, and a stoic look on their faces. On the other side were a group of brothers that were throwing alley oops, shooting half court shots, and dancing. Two approaches to the game, two very different starts.

As the ball was about to be thrown into the air for the Tip, I kept counting the number of players and the result was 9. There should be a total of 10. So I started to scan the floor when I found the missing tenth player, Lebron James. While his team was getting ready to play he was off in the corner dancing with his mom....yes his mom. Gloria James, all decked out in her 'Bron jersey was bopping back and forth, Lebron weaving and dipping with his back to the game that has now started. The school ( I can't remember who it was, some catholic school) started with an easy bucket to go up 2-0. Lebron now must have gotten tired of dancing and decided to join the game. St. Vincent St. Mary's went down and missed a shot, without Lebron touching the ball. The catholic team went back down, scored again, 4-0. By this time the crowd is going absolutely bananas. The Lebron watchers are wondering what is going on, it's been 4 possessions and the KING hasn't even touched the ball. St. Mary's comes down, misses another shot, still no Lebron sighting. The catholic school takes the ball back down the floor, scores, 6-0. The crowd is pulling their hair out they are so excited. They make the fans from the film Hoosiers look like boring enthusiasts.

The King decides it's time.

Calling for the ball, Lebron dribbles to the top of the key, stares down the pour little white kid clinging to the false hope that is his 6-0 lead. With a couple dribbles Lebron blows past the kid and throws down a rim shaking dunk that sends the crazies into a T.V. mute style sound. He calmly looks at the student shaking that was just questioning his royalty status and raises a finger to his mouth with a "ssshhhhhhhh" .

The score at the half. Akron S.V.S.M - 36 - catholic school - 6.

Lebron decided it was time to end the doubt. I wonder what day in July Lebron will hold his finger up to the rest of the NBA and send one group of fans into mass hysteria.

Thursday, June 24, 2010


I started to write a long blog about how much I hate smoking. I deleted all of it. That argument falls on deaf ears. So I'll summarize. I saw a sign the other day offering free pack of cigg's with the purchase of 3. I got super angry. If I had a sign that said buy 3 asbestos inhalers, get one free, who would actually purchase it? Breathing asbestos would kill you right? Yet getting a free pack of smokes is a fantastic deal. I'll never wrap my head around the simple fact that the government allows the sale of something that is proven to kill you, and people will spend their last paycheck on it. This reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from a great movie.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

June 12th, 2010

McKinley apparently loves 12's. Today is June 12th and at the strike of midnight, she figured it was time to really muck up our world. I was playing a riveting game of Modern Warfare 2, probably talking back to a 12 year old when Lins pops down the stairs with that face of "I got an alien inside me, and it's ready to come out".

We whip out the iPhone to calculate the contractions, because yes all you smart ass people, There is an App for that. I'm no baby genius, but all the movies say when they are close together and the women you love looks like midgets are punching her square in the gut, it's go time. Luckily, intuitive thinking from the previous day provided us with our bags already packed and the car seat fully docked like an X - Wing fighter ready to attack the deathstar.

Foggy drive down 315, the whole way Lins handling the contractions like a champ, one after another, like clockwork they come. I can't help but to be honest at this moment and say that I was nervous. I don't get nervous. I played a position in football that allowed for guys to rip your face off, and you are still supposed to sit there and make the throw. This made me nervous. Not because a baby is coming into our life, we'll handle that life altering change. What made me nervous was the fact that I am now involved. For all those to be dad's you will see one day that the first 9 months of this pregnancy you're like the fat kid in dodgeball, not an intricate part. Now all of sudden as I speed down this windy road next to the mighty Olentangy river, it's about to get real for me. These flood into my mind and I am sucked back into reality by my wife's pain and the oncoming set of headlights.

This is when I notice for the first time the song that is playing on the radio. Kenny Chesney, There Goes My Life. Take a listen while you read the rest.

How ironic and yet downright magical. We continue down this road lost in the images created in my mind by the song. Yellow Lot. Yellow signs. Don't screw this up. Pull in. Waive down the guy with "Valet" on his back. Gives me a weird look, like I could possibly want something other than this clown to move my car. Yellow Elevators. Floor 3. Didn't screw it up.

Monitors are hooked up to Lins, everything is great, 1 cm dilated. Which means, we are 9 steps away. Nurse says we need to walk around the hospital for an hour. Mind you it's 12:40 a.m. and we are both exhausted, not mention she is having contractions every 3-5 minutes. We walk the halls, in a strange silence. We talk some, but more so we are lost in our own thoughts of what is to come. We trek the halls for the hour. No change. The green suits decide to send us home at 3 a.m.

This is where the fun begins. We stop for gas on the way home. I'm sure I'll never live that down. The next few hours are very hard on Lins. Sever pain, vomit, and a sense of helplessnes on my part.

After vomit number 3, we decide to come in for an IV. Green suits have good news this time. 4 cm dilated. It's go time. So now we sit in the labor delivery room, lins numb from the waist down, me on an awful chair that is posing as a recliner in equally bad flower print. 6 cm, now 9 cm. it's almost time to meet the daughter we have been anxiously awaiting. It's funny all of those pre-conceived thoughts you have about her being an athlete, a singer, etc....doesn't matter at this moment. What matters is that the women I love more than anything in this world is about to give me/us the other girl I will love more than anything in this world. McKinley, your father is ready, and I'm happy to say, there goes my life.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


Some people see that title and get all giddy, some get all anxious, and some get all pissed. The latter would be the people that talk about how ridiculous it is teachers have 3 months off. (Editors note: 3 months is a vast exaggeration by non-teachers, it's actually two months and maybe 9 days) I'm not here to write about how much I think teachers should get those months off. The honest reason is because I don't think we should. We shouldn't get 2 months and 9 days in a row, it's detrimental to our kids and dare I say to our teachers. If you think I'm going to say that school should go year 'round with no break, then you're nucking futs. All you haters that are pulling your heads back and letting out a "aaarrrrggghhh". Try being a teacher for one week. Try it, then see what noise you're making. I'm not complaining about my job, I love it. It's the most genuine and important job there is besides being a pastor or the guy that is sitting in the pentagon watching for nuclear weapons headed for the U.S.

The days of needing three months off for kids is long gone. None of these kids are working in the fields anymore (the original reason for this time off). Kids are leaving our buildings and becoming dumber, peeling back a large amount of the progress we just made. Combine a bag of frito's, a monster energy drink, and 14 hours of video games or facebook maddness and you have a more lethal drug than crack straight to the dome. So what is the solution? We have the majority of the workforce pissed because teachers are off, we have kids losing knowledge, and we have teachers that are getting bored. (I get kinda bored, I certainly don't speak for all teachers).


Go year 'round. Follow me here before you start burning textbooks in my yard. We go three months on, one month off. Still get the two months and 9 days, along with your christmas etc.. Kids retain more knowledge, teachers stay fresh, and parents don't deal wiht their kids eating the frito monster cocktail.

Why this will never happen
1) All schools would have to install air conditioning. Isn't happening, too expensive.
2) Teachers would revolt. They would burn their bra's, laser pointers, and globes in protest.
3) Higher education institutions would have to change also to accommodate the weird start times, quarters and semesters wouldn't work anymore. Gordon Gee and his bow tie wouldn't have it.
4) It makes too much sense. Our education system from government down is so screwed up they wouldn't make a decision that would help kids. Look at No Child Left Behind. Bin Laden probably bombed us just because of that.

Solution #2

Take out the summer vacation. Go year around or add a bunch of days to limit it to one month.

Why this won't happen

1) You would have to pay teachers more. If you want me to work more hours, I will gladly do it. Honestly you want to tack on 30 more days, do it. Pay me another 30 days wage and I'm on board. Districts can't afford this. They can't even afford the petty salaries they pay teachers right now so they are cutting them left and right. I love it. When a fireman is being cut by the city they hold city wide protests to keep their protectors. When a teacher is cut, that same city says "ah, it was probably needed". Whats more likely to happen, your house gets burned down or your kid going to a school with class sizes that are too big for your son/daughter to get special attention because a teacher was cut? I would guess the latter.

Friday, May 28, 2010


Each year at this time, thousands and thousands of kids graduate high school. Enter the next phase of their life, whether that be college or work in search of their dreams. Many will fall short, settle for something less. Is this because our expectations are unrealistic? because the "real world" holds us back? because our bark is bigger than our bite? I have no idea.

I always like this song, if you can call it that. I think of it as William Shatner before Shatner. Take a listen, see if something resonates with you. I am betting it will. Below are a few that I enjoy.

Worry is as effective as solving an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

do something every day that scares you.

your choices are half chance.

Dance. Even if you don't have anywhere to do it, do it in your living room.

Friends come and go, but a precious few hold on.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Friends are like Teams

I was fortunate enough to go on the DC trip this year again with our 8th graders. It's great in so many ways. One of the highlights for me is to see our students in a different way. For one week I get to see students in their "real" way. Peel away the layers of red tape that are strapped on them at school and see them for who they are. The thing I realized this year is that some students have a great group of friends, they just go together. As I was realizing this about my group of boys this year we started watching the movie "The Sandlot". This started my down the road of thought that leads to this post. All groups of friends that are close work together like a team. In "the sandlot" those guys were a well oiled machine of a team. They were like the '95 Bulls that went 72-10. The best team of five guys that might have played together. I spend the next couple hours riding on that Lakefront bus thinking about how the '95 bulls are in every group of friends.

Every group of friends has a Michael Jordan. The leader. The person that the whole group gravitates to. When it's time for a decision to be made, each group has an MJ they all look to. This is the person that has it all going right. Think back to situations of good and bad in your group of friends, was there a person that always seem to have the calming effect and direct the group in a way? That's your MJ.

Every group has a Scottie Pippen. He is the MJ's right hand. He's the guy that always supports your MJ, yet challenges him. If for some reason MJ isn't around at that moment, your Pippen assumes the role of the group leader. Doesn't have the charisma or decision making skills your MJ has, but is looked to by the group as the quintessential sidekick.

Every group has a Steve Kerr. This is the guy that has one single profound trait he brings to the group. Steve Kerr could light up the 3 point line, just like your Steve Kerr of the group could be your funny man. Each group has the one guy that is the funniest bastard on the planet. Think about the guy that always cracked you up, always sacrificed his image for the humor of his buddies. That's your Steve Kerr. Maybe your Steve Kerr was the guy that could provide the Booze, or the first and only guy to have a car. No matter what his 3 point skill is, your Steve Kerr brings this to the group like no other.

Ok, every group does have a Dennis Rodman. That off the wall guy. Not the colored hair or crazy dress, but you're friend that is not like the rest of you, but fits in so well. That friend has a background that isn't like the rest of you, maybe comes from a broken home, is into drugs a little more than average guy, whatever it is, each group has that person that requires your MJ and Pippen to constantly stick up for him to the other MJ's.

Then there is Luc Longley. Think about that guy in your group that didn't bring much of anything substantial, but he's part of the group. He might be the guy you always pick on in your admiring way. It wouldn't be the same if he wasn't part of your group, that's why you let him hang around.

Think about your friends at any point and label them the MJ, Pippen, Kerr, Rodman, and Longley. I bet you can do it.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Triple W

The White Women Workout. This is wrong on a lot of levels. But it's pretty freaking hilarious. Watch it all the way through.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Bathroom towels

Let me preface this by saying I'm not ripping on anyone. In fact, this post will implicate myself, both set of parents, and pretty much every other family that owns a bathroom.

What's the deal with bathroom decoration towels? You know what I'm talking about. The towels that are hung on the towel rods in the bathroom that are matching colors and too pretty to be touched. It's just stupid. They're towels. They are meant to be used to dry your hands, dry your face, DRY anything. That would be like a drink coaster that you're not allowed to put a drink on because you might get a circle of water on it. The coaster is there for looks you might say, just as the bathroom decoration towels. Stupid. The rest of the towels in the world make fun of these towels. They're like the band members in school. The other towels scoff and say things like "look at you all dry.....and stuff" . These towels are never chosen. Like the kid in gym class picked last, these towels provide no real service to the world or a highly contested dodgeball game.

I personally would like to start using these towels everytime I run across them, not because I am defiant to the those that love HGTV style bathrooms, but because I feel bad for them. I am going to fulfill the dream of every decoration towel bought and hung. I will wipe my wet hands on them and saturate their very existence.

Don't even get me started on making your bed. Stupid.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


It's testing week at school. This only brings back memories of the skits we used to perform when I taught at D-Hayes. Each department was in charge of getting our kids pumped up for the upcoming test. Social Studies clearly had the edge each year, although my Math teacher buddy Greenie did a helluva Matt Foley impression. Not to mention Scotty Mo and his ridiculous Ron Bergundy impression. You will see Matt Foley implemented into our skit. Enjoy a quick recap of the events. The premise is I am the class of that sophomore year, fighting each of the tests that are required.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Boiling Point

Remember a time when something ticked you off so much to the point that you felt that tingle come up your neck, you kinda hold your breath and your brain puts together two options of a you contain yourself and swallow that burning tingle and not regret saying or doing something awful.....or.....your brain lets you cut lose. That is the boiling point. When you reach the boiling point in your life, what you do with it often defines you. I have a boiling point moment that I spent the last 8 years regretting, but not for the reason you might think.

This picture is of the Univ. Findlay practice field, where I spent one long season. I want you to focus on the right portion of the picture before you read the rest of this. You might see a white line, this represents the field goal post of the east endzone, and to the right, you will see a creek. Now the boiling point.

Every day we spent a 10 minute period throwing fade routes into the corner of that endzone. You might be thinking, "what's the big deal?" The big deal Magellan, is that an overthrown fade route ends up racing down the creek like Huck Finn minus his raft. I can't tell you how many times a ball might bounce off of a finger or I threw a crap ball into that steep filth ridden creek. When this happened, did we send our Grad Assistants in to get it? Of course not. We sent the young freshman QB, even if it wasn't his fault. That happened to be me. This isn't the boiling point.

Our starting QB got knocked out, literally, one game. So that meant the football fishing freshman QB, yours truly, was now the starter. Tuesdays we started practice with offensive meetings and hurry up offense. The best part, I had class tuesday afternoons that caused me to always miss that meeting. So of course the day I miss they happen to put in a new play. No one tells me. I show up in time for Hurry Up drills, like always, but this time I'm the starter. I hop in the huddle, start moving us down the field, and wouldn't you know it, they call the new play. I stumble through it in my head thinking I know enough about football, I can't figure this out and they'll never know the difference. Until I couldn't.

I had to ask for help. Insert Boiling Point. All hell broke loose. The head coach, which I will refer to as, the anti-christ, started going ballistic. Then his little henchmen the O-line coach came in and caused that burning tingle of anger on steriod feeling. His exact words were:
"Wise, why don't you just throw the ball in the creek, that's all you know how to do anyways"

Now come the two options in my brain. On one hand I thought about ripping my helmet off, Chucking that football into the creek and saying "How was that you son of #%#$#" Walking off the field with my middle finger in the air. Or

option 2. Nod, ask the backup how to run the play, and execute it.

For eight years I have regretted the fact that I did option 2. Man I wish I would have done option 1. I thought that way until recently I started reading the blogs from two of my good friends Mike and Lides. I realized the past that the boiling points I dealt with, were ice caps compared to theirs. I am almost embarrassed to think that I had it so bad, playing Div. 2 football. What a joke. You wanna see guys that had it rough but came through every boiling point, look no further.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Ode to Ben

Oh Ye Big Ben so young at a position so new,
playing behind the coaches son for the Findlay Gold and Blue.
You had your glory and rose to fame,
Only to attend a small school like Miami, sorta lame?
Impressive you were throughout your college career,
luckily you were drafted by the steelers so for you I did not have to cheer.
A quick rise to fame with the steeler gold and black,
apparently you felt this gave you a free pass to mack.
Slow on the field with a nickname of "Big",
you got in a wreck like an 18 wheel rig.
Your head skid across the pavement like the tip of a match,
Honestly steeler nation? you're stuck with Charlie Batch?
Looks like his problems are far behind him,
Oh wait, was that rape victim out west named Kim?
Oh how thee mountain of greaseball you've let us down,
such an embarrassment, the nike mural in your home town.
We thought one and done was your rape motto,
never did we expect tabloids would hit the lotto.
Soon you'll be forgotten as the NFL MVP,
next time you think about it, say no to your wee wee.

Sunday, April 11, 2010


You've heard of the "signing bonus"......the "playing time bonus"........the "championship bonus"......let me introduce you to the "Fan Bonus". Too often a player or coach are compensated with a bonus for their achievements. Jim Tressel will earn thousands of more dollars for going to a BCS game because the BCS game just made OSU thousands of more dollars. The players will be compensated with gift bags and soon to be large NFL signing bonuses. What do the fans get? What does the average Joe get that spends a weeks pay check to come and scream his face painted beer stenched mouth off for 48 minutes, 9 innings, or 3 periods? You know what we get? We get a price increase on our tickets, a price increase on those stadium beers, and those fun foam fingers....yup, price increase. What kind of freaking bonus is that? How many times do you hear the term "Home Field Advantage" ? You could make a drinking game out of it.

How do they get the home field advantage? wait for it......."The FANS"

So I ask you billionaire revenue making fools of an owner, where is my bonus?

I propose the fan bonus. Ownership of major sporting events such as football, baseball, basketball, and hockey.....sorry Soccer, you're just a leftover from poor negotiations by our founding fathers and King George, anyways....owners will write up incentive packages for fans, or fan goals if you will. See examples below:
1. Fans sell out every home game that is available.
2. 30% or more of the fan population attending the game are painted in some sort.
3. 100% of the fans are wearing the colors of either the home team or visitors.
4. During pivotal points in the game (which will be specified by the jumbo screen) fans are out of their seats screaming like the Ewoks in return of the jedi after the Death Star is blown up (again).

You see my point. If a certain amount of these "Fan Goals" are met, then ownership will pay us the fan, our "Fan Bonus". What is the fan bonus? It's simple. Each year the goals are met ownership will lower ticket prices by the amount they deem fair. It could be .01 cent, I don't care. Food prices will not be raised. Merchandise prices will not be raised. Parking prices will not be raised. You know what will be raised? The Fan Experience, the atmosphere, and the number of kids attending their "first" ball game because daddy won't have to sell his truck to pay for it.

It's win-win. If these goals are set out there for the average fan, you bet they will fight like hell to achieve them. It would be the first time a fan could have his own fantasy league. Some guys will sit around and draft the Cleveland Cavs fans and start them everytime Lebron is playing. The guy that is stuck with the Detroit pistons fans is pissed.

Espn would follow this like the rest of the useless statistical crap they flash up on their sweet touch screen boards. Mel's big board would certainly have the Buckeye fans on the top of his list, until Pryor throws an interception and the fickle fans come out calling for Tressel's head.... then the achievement for not booing the 15th punt in one game would not be met.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

anything you want....

If I had a midget walk into my room tonight with a little glass shaped box that had a glowing question mark in it, and proceeded to ask me the question in a very high pitched voice "If you could do anything in this world, what would you do? say it and it will be so" I would scoop that wee lil guy up and yell at the top my lungs......"Be a late night talk show host"


I'm in Dave Letterman's striped suit, making funny motions that would make the people laugh. I would talk to Paul and we would laugh like old friends.

Thats it. Right there. If I was granted a career wish that is what I would do. I've wanted to do this since college when I would stay up late watching letterman. I kept thinking, that is something I would be able to wake up every morning and be really excited about.

A couple years ago I had the idea to find a way to make this come true.....somewhat. I came up with the idea of creating my own talk show that I could use for my classes. I would write, film, and produce my own shows and use them in class as a teaching tool. My idea was to have different shows represent different chapters. So lets say I'm doing a chapter on the assassination of JFK. I would walk out and make some lame time period reference jokes like.....

"man it's hot today......isn't it folks? It's so hot JFK decided against the use of the air conditioning for the natural breeze of Texas"

ok maybe that was bad. But you get my point. In the monologue I would teach them facts. Then I would have a top ten list. Like the Top Ten Reasons Why Dallas Won't Host a Presidential Motorcade Anytime Soon.

The rest of the show would be interviews with people. I could interview LBJ. Either thru real archived footage, or thru a picture and put the fake lips in for his real ones like Conan does. I could have a person dress up as Chief Justice Earl Warren, who the "Warren Commission" was named after that investigated the assassination. Nobody really knows what he looks like off hand so i could dress up anyone.

I would have commercials interrupt us that were time period relevant, like fashion, new inventions of the time, etc..... Likewise the musical guest would be music from that time.

I think this is something I could wake up and be really excited about doing. The issue(s) here:
1. Time- when would I have the time to do all this?
2. The Set- where would I have a place like this to film and make it actually look decent.
3. Bust or Great?- Could I do it. I mean could I actually be witty enough to write worthwhile shows and execute the acting.
4. Learn- Would my kids actually learn from it? Would it accomplish the goal I wanted.

If the answer is yes to all of those. Maybe I could sell the idea, retire, and watch Letterman reruns.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


This won't come as a surprise to many of you that I have spoken to in the last 24 hours, but I have decided to not further my interest into the head football position at Fredericktown. I was fortunate enough to be interviewed saturday morning at Fredericktown, a small rural school south of Mansfield. I have been struggling with the idea that my life course has shifted from that boyhood dream of being a head coach to something else. Here I am at age 28 feeling like I'm going through a mid life crisis. It's not so much a crisis as much as it is just a shift in life in general.

The interview was a spur of the moment decision, like driving down a highway with your next exit swiftly creeping up on your right with two lanes of traffic between you. The AD called me on friday and asked if I would come up sat. morning at 8 am. I swerved hard to the exit and accepted the interview. I had my doubts going into it, I also had a heightened level of excitement. I mean, this could be it, I could be a head coach. I don't want to bore you but the interview went well with all my questions being answered. Imagine your dream vacation, really stack it up with all the bells and find out that you can't take anyone with you, you're actually traveling on a big wheel, and your luggage is lost so you're stuck wearing a chicken suit that some overweight man traded to you for your dirty clothes (you were riding a big wheel in the rain on a dirt road)........ You still get that vacation though!!

The football job is awesome. They had a good thing going, and we would have had the opportunity to be very successful. However, the teaching job, the pay, and the daily drive is the riding on the big wheel chicken suit part. It's not doable. I wouldn't be able to be a successful coach while also being a successful teacher, oh, and a husband and now a father. The hats I would be wearing wouldn't fit on my moose sized head.

The hardest part is swallowing the fact that maybe, just maybe you are giving up on a dream. Maybe the dream is on hold, maybe the dream is better as a dream. Time will tell with that one.

The best part is that I found peace with it. God has made it very clear to me over the past four weeks that I clutter my life with junk like the character from my brother's play the {re}gifter. I search for fulfillment everywhere, instead of God. What I thought was an opportunity that God was creating for me might have been a distraction Satan was luring me in with. Maybe I'll be a head coach someday, maybe I won't, but I know when I'm 50 I will look back at this decision and be happy with the job I'll do as a husband and father, rather than the job I could have done as a football coach. That's a dream I can buy into.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Price is right and peanut butter/jelly

We are going down the list of things we need to do before baby shows up like:
1- paint the nursery
2-crib setup
3- freak out
4- find daycare

#4 seems to be the toughest part right now, the freaking out part comes naturally. Thinking back to when I was a wee-lil-lad I was lucky enough to have my momma take care of me until I was in kindergarten. I remember that I would go to half day kindergarten with my mom back to teaching full time I had to find a place to max and relax. Quick side note: I used to cry nearly everyday because I would see my mom walk across the hall and I didn't understand why I couldn't go with her. It turns out that since I didn't have a mental handicap was the reason. After leaving my morning of learning I would go over to Mrs. Peifer's house. Mrs. Peifer was this old lady that watched myself and a couple other guys. I don't remember a whole lot about her or the place other than the smell was a little off. I do remember like it was yesterday what we did everyday at 11:00, we watched the Price is Right and ate PB&J. Mrs. Peifer loved the price is right like Ellen Degeneres loves women. She wouldn't miss a single Bob Barker finger point. I think everytime I eat a PB&J I hear the Price is Right theme song and all of sudden have an urge to get my pet spade or neutered. I used to think I was being baby sat by Bob and that creepy voice that was always too happy to call someone down to guess on merchandise. I feel like I have a great feeling for when I am standing in the cleaning products aisle if the clorox bleach Kroger is trying to sell me is over or under $9.50. I'm going to make a shirt that says I love Bob and Peanut Butter, on the back will say "I love you Mrs. Peifer" you think maybe I'll get called to "Come on down" ??