New Job

Awhile back you may have read a post I wrote about giving up coaching and a new journey that I would be embarking upon. My entire life as far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a head football coach. I loved the idea of leading young men in something I felt passionate about. I loved the idea of interacting with parents on almost a family level, both of us raising their son in a way. I loved the idea of the camaraderie among coaches and the fraternity you were a part of. I loved the idea of having the ability to make program decisions, the pressure that came with it included. I spent the last 7 years pursuing this dream. Every professional move I made was for this goal. Sitting through hours of interviews, answering to the best of my ability questions regarding program leadership. My favorite moment happened to be when I left my third interview and it was all but a done deal. I had done it, goal accomplished. Then my phone rang, and the superintendent said he had to go against his gut, because he was worried I was going to leave after success. Crash.

Imagine having a goal in front of you for your entire life, finally reach out for it and feel it in your fingers, only to have it slip out of your grip as you squeeze. It was here that my life changed forever.

The next months found me moving districts, jobs, and of course coaching assignments. I was now forced with a decision. Continue to pursue the dream I've had, fully knowing that I was back to square one, or find a new goal. I soon realized that my path was chosen for me, and it was pointless for me to fight it. Fast forward three years and here I sit about to explain how my goal was accomplished finally. No, I'm not going to be a head coach, I have come to grips (99% worth) with that being a goal that isn't for me. Instead, I'm becoming a head coach of a youth ministry. My official title will be Director of Youth Ministry at Northchurch in Lewis Center, OH. This provides everything I was looking for. A chance to work with not only guys but also girls about something I am passionate. It gives me the chance to work with parents in a family setting, both of us raising their son/daughter. I will have that camrarderie with fellow directors, pastors, and leaders. It provides me with the program decision making responsibility, pressure included. Most importantly it is not my goal, it's my goal with God's job description. I may not be calling the plays on a friday night, but there will come a time when a call I make will mean a heck of a lot more than a first down or a touchdown. Trust me, God can throw a better celebration party than the boosters.

It's with an immense amount of excitement and equal amount of fear that I jump into this new chapter of my life. I have a supportive wife and a daughter that can't speak her opinion yet, although I know it would be positive. I have a church family that is supportive with a core group of leaders, parents, and friends that will be an asset. I have a lead pastor that believes in me, and I don't forsee him calling me anytime soon saying that he is going against his gut because he's worried about me having success. We will fail, We will have success. We will hopefully do what God has intended, which I'm learning more about each and every day. So if you're a person that prays, throw a couple in Northchurch Student Ministry's direction. If you're not, throw us some good karma or sour patch kids, your call. It's about to be a heck of a ride....as my buddy McDonough says, which type of person are you?

1. A person that should have done more when they had the chance.

2. A person that wishes they did more, but waited for others to do it.

3. A person that just gets sh*t done.

Option 3 please.

McKinley Marie

Our daughter....you know how weird it is to say that exact phrase? Parent... you know how much weirder that title is? I swear I stop and look at her and wonder if I am in fact, responsible for her. Like it's a leased car, and for some reason I'm not the official owner. I never thought of parenting the way it actually is. That sounds pretty stupid I realize, but the thought I had as a 20 year old kid about parenting was different. I guess I thought when I became a parent I would be and feel old. I thought the mindset that I would be in, would be of drinking coffee and looking over at my young child with a smile as I read the ticker about the stock I just invested in, while listening to mellow jazz. My brother might now take offense to that last statement, or my slightly hair challenged short friend, you know who you are matt.

Now that she's 9 months, closing in on 10, I can't believe how much fun she is. I can't believe how much I truly enjoy being a parent. The title parent typically came with the tag of burdensome responsibility when I was that 20 something old. I pictured it as the classic conversations Bill Cosby had with his kids. I never thought of the 9 month old parent. I didn't grow up around babies, I never had any real interaction with anyone that couldn't speak in audible words or walk farther than a half step before crashing to the ground. Cliff Huxtable always dealt with the antics of his pre-teen or teenagers. That was the view I had always had of parenting. I was thrust into this stage of parenting that made zero sense to me. Babies were foreign to me, the Mck was the first in our family, I had nothing to go off of. I had to straight up fake it for the first few months, buying myself time by acting like I was cool, calm, and collective. Now that she's older I am in no way a seasoned vet but I have figured one thing out, it's pretty freaking cool. Everything is exciting. I have more videos of the smallest things she does than Oprah does favorite things. McKinley is now pulling herself up, one move away from taking off crawling, and talking like a jabber monster (that's her mother's trait). I can't wait to see what she will do next. I would consider her picking her nose a rembrandt type talent that I certainly would brag about.

I started off staring at her wondering what do I do now? I now stare at her wondering what can I do for her now? Getting her to smile at me is the single greatest part of my day....I don't care if I have to smack my head against the wall, if she smiles I'll take the extra aspirin. I used to think I always wanted a boy only, but I can't believe how unbelievably happy I am to have a girl. It's an entirely new experience that is only going to get messier, and I love it. I have the most perfect daughter and the perfect mother for her is my terrific wife.

Keep the aspirin on hold, because these two will surely like to shop me into depths of debt like I've never seen.

The vision

For over 15 years I've had the same reoccurring vision. If there is a time when I am sitting inattentively and my mind has the ability to wonder, I wonder my way right into the same mental vision. I'm not exaggerating, I have the exact same vision. The purpose of sharing this now is because I'm looking for clarity. So offer your insight, I have an idea of what it might mean, but I would love for all you professional psych's to break me down.

It always starts off the same. I start to drift off mentally and I'm taken away to a clear as day picture of my face, my eyes to be exact. It's dark, but you can see my eyes fixed on something in the distant, bright and large. Like a zoom in a camera I begin to zoom out and coming into focus is my face, head, shoulders, and soon the whole body. I'm wearing a full set of football pads, helmet, and everything. My eyes still fixed on something. I can't make out colors of the uniform or anything because it's dark. Next thing I know like a camera being spun around 180 degrees, I am now behind myself and see that I am looking at a fuzzy full field of defenders, all staring at me. I start barking out words that I can't make out, but they seem very important. I go back and forth, head swiveling and begin to get under center. This is where it get's weird. Everytime I start to drop back with the ball my view shifts as if I'm looking thru my own eyes, scanning back and forth...but I never throw it. I never find anyone or even attempt to throw it. The vision ends right there.

This vision has been happening like I said since I was right around 14 years old. I always thought it meant I would have that exact moment in a game when I was playing, but I never did. Then in college I thought this might be the moment when I would take a hit and literally die on the field, because "they hit kinda hard in college". That never happened, or I cheated it by only playing one year. Now I don't even coach football and am unsure why this vision is still a part of my life. It's not a dream, I am always awake, and I can always tell myself what the next part of the vision will be, but I can't get passed that dropback, it always ends.

Ok, psychoanalyze that people.